Experiences...

There was the time when the doctors in casualty had cut me without administering the proper dosage of local anesthetic. It’s not a pleasant feeling that, sensing even the tiniest touch of the sharp blade piercing skin and flesh - never truly screamed out in pain before that or since then. And then there was the badly-positioned chest tube sticking me on the inside with each and every breath, so much so that I simply could not sit up straight; and all the while I was thinking that the tube didn’t appear to have been properly secured despite the ridiculous lengths of tape and bandages used. I was right - the whole mess slipped out onto the floor moments afterwards whilst I was lying awkwardly on my side in the darkness of Ward #7; the junior doctor trying his very best to reinsert a fresh tube. Had no less than four x-rays and three different doctors trying their hand at it. By then I had passed out from sheer tiredness and the pain of the entire ordeal.

But it’s a different thing altogether when someone else is on that bed. After receiving the call yesterday afternoon, I had quietly and calmly returned to my desk, taking controlled bites of a subway sandwich, chewing ever so carefully whilst staring at the pale yellow cubicle wall. I had most of it because I knew that the next meal would not have been anytime soon after. And my drive from work to the hospital was without any sense of urgency - no speeding or foolish overtaking, my not caring to be pissed at the traffic or irresponsible drivers.

It was strange how everything came into focus right then and there – I had the clarity of thought that I've been pursuing for several years now. I knew what needed to be done at each step and was able to ignore the distractions and deal with the inconveniences as they presented themselves. I had managed to put everything into perspective because I had sincerely felt what I knew to be true - that for the most part only a significant few persons really matter in this life. And that's the thing - it’s sad to think of the kind of experiences most of us need to have before being able to fully understand and appreciate just that.